At times when we try to understand relationships, we infer that proximity does not really make two people closer to each other. Sometimes, distance makes two people love each other more. Why? Because the distance gives each other the sense of respect toward each other, the other not knowing what the other does makes each individual's life more interesting, and the gap of miles gives that false hope of yearning to be together.
Proximity does not make a relationship deeper
I am in a quagmire at the moment because I am close to someone I love but I feel like my relationship with this person was actually deeper when we were far apart. Now that we are close to each other, it is almost as if I wish we were far from each other. The closer we are the more far apart we have become emotionally. The respect is there but the emotional bond seems to have deterred us from each other. At times we do not even care to talk. I feel some sense of guilt because I can talk to strangers about how I feel but I cannot talk about anything that I deeply care about to this person. But then, the world is filled with things we cannot really comprehend. At times it is also best to let things be. No use worrying about something.
I feel like my sanctuary has been violated and I am like a crab, coiled in my own shell. I do not know how long I can go on being in my shell. There is too much tension, mostly maybe self-inflicted, self-made, but I cannot actually say they are baseless.
I might try to walk tonight and probably have some sensible conversations, maybe with strangers. Then perhaps I would find some sense of peace in what I feel.
